9 Queer Titles on the Lackluster Chopping Block

To maintain The Company's feverish turnover rate of 800 million new titles per year (at least 600 of which star Jason Statham or Adam Sandler) , our store has an annual procedure where it transfers older movies from the rental floor to the sales floor.

The criteria: extra copies of recent titles, movies that haven't been rented in eight to twelve months. For my cozy little store, tucked away in the southmost belly of St. Louis's white, upper-middle class family sect, that spells trouble for a huge chunk of our GLBT stock. Our classics are safe, of course (Brokeback Mountain, Bound, But I'm a Cheerleader) and so are some of our recent titles (Imagine Me & You, Another Gay Movie) -- free to be rented by tittillated straight people, questioning youth and the odd Real Queer consumer another day. But for those that didn't make the grade, here's a brief look at the sales rack:

"Boarding School is Best"

1. Le Mala Educación, Pedro Almodóvar (2004)

Price: $9.99
Summary: Almodóvar's Hitchcockian thriller: Film director Enrique (Fele Martínez) is visited by his childhood love Ignacio (Gael García Bernal) with a script about their abuse and forced separation at the hands of a Catholic priest and fictionalized reunion. As filming starts, both men are re-visited by the priest and certain truths are revealed.
Why It's On the Block: We can blame our staff for this one. By some glitch in the sorting, this Spanish language title ended up in the Drama section instead of the Foreign section along with Almodóvar's other classics (All About My Mother, Volver). I noticed it initially when I first started working at 'Luster but let the mistake slide in hope of a blessed double-whammy: a clueless customer renting a title they had no idea was both queer AND subtitled. That day never came and, since I was the only one to rent it in the past 12 months, both copies ended up on our sales table.
"What Do You Recommend?": I've already bought my copy.
One slight warning, though: due to The Company's puritanical ratings cap (in collusion with several "family" groups, 'Luster has agreed not to carry films awarded an NC-17 by the MPAA), one scene (Bernal going down on another actor) has been pixelated in order to give the film a more acceptable R-rating. So children, if you believe in fairies, but you don't believe they go down, this one's for you!



2. Loving Annabelle, Katherine Brooks (2006)

Price: $9.99
Summary: Based on Mädchen in Uniform, closeted teacher Simone Bradley (Diane Gaidry) is drawn to Annabelle (Erin Kelly), the headstrong daughter of a senator who pursues Simone relentlessly until she finally gives in. And is arrested.
Why It's On the Block: I'm at a loss to explain this transfer because, according to our records, it was rented at least once in the past six months.
"What Do You Recommend?": At 76 minutes, the film's a short one with a sex scene that lasts long enough to make the slow, melodramatic build-up worth it. The restrictive private school setting is familiar because of its previous appearance in lesbian classics like Mädchen, The Children's Hour and, more recently, Lost and Delirious. But while those films explored the tragic side of repression -- all three of them end with the "sad, unnatural woman" jumping out of a window or hanging herself from a rafter-- this one depicts an all-girl boarding school as something closer to what it probably is: a stable of young women more rebellious and more modern than their more puritan elders give them credit for. No dead dykes here.



3. The History Boys, Nicholas Hynter (2006)

Price: $9.99
Summary: In the Spring of 1983, eight boys at a prestigious private school in Sheffield, England prepare for the exams that will gain them admittance to Oxford or Cambridge with help from two professors: one a maverick oldboy (Richard Griffiths) who ephasises appreciation for language, the other a Thatcherite newcomer (Clive Merrison) bent on teaching them how to manipulate the system.
Why It's On the Block: Technically, it's not. We have one copy still for rent at our store.
"What Do You Recommend?": I'm an anglophile as well as a queer dyke faghag, so this film was pure heaven to me. If nothing else, the film is worth it for the rife name-dropping of queer writers and artists and for the comparison of Merrison and Griffiths's professors: Both gay. One out and proud (though closeted about the fact that he, in fact, attended Leeds) but clearly flummoxed when a student asks him for a date. The other of the Old School: married, in the closet, but takes to fondling his students when he gives them rides home on his motorbike.



"Coming Out, again and again"

4. Dorian Blues, Tennyson Bardwell (2004)

Price: $7.99
Summary: 18-year-old Dorian (Michael McMillian) realizes he's gay in his final year of high school and goes through the ensuing rites of passage: theraphy, religion, near-sex with a prostitute, getting kicked out of his house and, finally, locating and building his own queer coalition of friends and family at college.
Why It's On the Block: This film had a great reception both critically and commercially when it was released so both it's transfer and low price surprised me. My guess: we lost this one to "straight neighborhood disease." And the presumption that if there's a gay film on the shelf, it isn't in the comedy section.
"What Do You Recommend?": Personally, I've had my fill of "coming out n' coming of age" stories. But for the average gay kid who's still making tentative steps out of the closet, this film goes down a lot easier than say, The Truth About Jane or Latter Days. At least this film's funny.



5. Touch of Pink, Ian Iqbal Rashid (2004)

Price: $9.99
Summary: Alim (Jimi Mistry), a young gay Ismaili Muslim man from Toronto finds love in London and the strength to come out to his traditionalist mother. With a little help from the ghost of Cary Grant (Kyle MacLachlan).
Why It's On the Block: Another queer movie buried in the comedy aisle.
"What Do You Recommend?": It's basically a rehash of Ang Lee's The Wedding Banquet, but MacLachlan's presence saves the piece from being a total loss. His Cary Grant is superbly witty and attractive even when he's giving the completely wrong advice (I kept waiting for him to deliver a quip about his three-year cohabitation with "roommate" Randolph Scott. Alas, no). And, take it from the video girl, his Gunga Din outfit is perfection!



6. Straight-Jacket, Richard Day (2004)

Price: $9.99
Summary: Loosely based on the true story of Rock Hudson's lavender marriage to Phyllis Gates. Closeted '50s movie star Guy Stone marries Sally, a studio secretary, in order to maintain his cover only to fall for a screenwriter Rick, who looks like a male model (naturally) and turns out to be a communist (naturally).
Why It's On the Block: There's no big names to make the title catch your eye on the shelf and the story itself would be considered ancient history to all but the most hardcore cinephiles.
"What Do You Recommend?": The idea is great and the presence of veteran character actor Veronica Cartwright gives this satire some credibility. But there's an underlying misogny in the way Guy deals with Sally that always bothers me everytime I see it. As if she's the stereotypical Hag who's unwitting love for the gay man is both inconvenient, repulsive and threatening all at the same time.



"Race to the Bottom"

7. Denied, David Scott (2004)

Price: $12.99
Summary: Former high-school football hero Troy (Lee Rumohr) must come to terms with both his sexuality and feelings for his roommate (and sometime lover), Merrick (Matt Austin).
Why It's On the Block: Not even a softcore dvd cover (the male lead stripped to the waist, looking over the shoulder of another barechested man in the foreground ) could save this flick, stillborn because of bad acting and a bad audio-visual transfer. Unfortunately, the bad transfer throws so much shadows on every scene it's nearly impossible to see the actors at times and the audio on the disc is turned very low without any subtitles to help out the frustrated viewer.
"What Do You Recommend?": It really kills me to have to rate this title so low because the story itself is a very promising one. For any of us who has ever had to deal with the "straight" friend or roommate who will give you what you want most when the lights are out and then doesn't know your name when the sun is up, this rings very true. There's a particularly great scene where Troy discusses his present situation with his high school girl friend (who knew he was gay but stuck with him out of genuine affection. And sex with a football player, presumably)but the cons far outweight the pros here.


8. Bollywood And Vine, Donald Farmer and Edward Jordon (2004)

Price: $9.99
Summary: Bhuvan (Jamey Schrick), a tour bus driver in Hollywood gets more than he bargained for when he writes a comeback vehicle for his idol, reclusive actress Delilah Leigh (Skye Aubrey). Instead of meeting the lady herself, he meets -- and falls in love with -- her son, Devin (J.R. Jones) dressed in drag as his mother. When the real Delilah locks them both in the attic, it's the shotgun wedding nobody wants to see.
Why It's On the Block: Bad title, horrible dvd cover (a grainy screenshot of the two male leads shirtless and shaving with the Mother posed at the lower left-hand corner, brandishing a gun), bad summary, bad transfer and, perhaps most unforgivable, bad drag.
"What Do You Recommend?": If it's real camp you're looking for, stick with Charles Busch's Die Mommie Die. Avoid this poor substitute.



9. Eden's Curve, Anne Misawa (2003)

Price: $14.99
Summary: "Based on real events in the life of a friend." At a southern all-male university in the 1970s, fraternity pledge Peter becomes enamoured with his sponsor, Joe, and ends up in a brief polyamorous relationship with him and his girlfriend, Bess. After an explosive fight with Joe ends in violence, Peter holes up at a cabin in the woods with hunky poetry grad student, Ian (Julio Perillan), falls hard, gets expelled and is eventually dragged back home by his conservative family.
Why It's On the Block: Low budget, no big names, bad audio transfer, slow plot, amateurish unconvincing acting.
"What Do You Recommend?": This is both the most expensive and most depressing movie on the list, which is why I've given it the lowest ranking. In addition to the flaws listed above, the timing of the story feels very false (this takes place in 1972. Are we supposed to believe that no one told the gay boy with the trust fund how to get to post-Stonewall New York?). And, personally, I'm beyond bored with the "boy meets boy, boy loves boy, loathing and self-hatred ensues" plot line. Not worth the rental fee, let alone $15.